Life: X,Y and C

A video of a middle school student who decided to be open about his thoughts of suicide,cutting himself, his fears of going to school, and the knowledge that he has a million reasons to be here was telling my story too.  It has me thinking of all the things I would have missed in my life if I had been successful in taking my own life when I was his age ?

My life has not been easy or smooth, not by a long shot, but, when I think of everything and everyone I would have never known, if I had been successful, I just can't imagine it.

The few lines above were written and saved for another day some time ago.  Since these words I wrote those words, someone very special to me took his own life.  He and his family have been part of the fabric of me for over 20 years.  His father is a fellow radio guy who attempted to keep me on an even keel during my first go round at radio station middle management.  His mother, a warm and blunt soul, who can offer a hug and a kick in the ass all at the same time.  And his sister, who inherited her parents love for the outdoors and the bold spirit to go out and make a life for herself.

Joey taught me so much about myself over the years.  He was the first kid who made me aware of my responsibility as an "older person".  That the people kids look up to really do mean something to them.  That they aren't just fun to hang out with and wind up on occasion, they are young people who deserve respect, love, and, yeah, the occasional wind up for fun.  Because of Joey, I am much more committed to my role as Uncle Wil to the children of my friends and family.

Joey and I were both born atypical, our brains our greatest asset and our greatest enemy all at the same time.  Joey's Dad was the first to point out to me what a gift and a responsibility it was for me to understand that, and use that for some greater purpose, for his son and for others.

I do regret never telling Joey that.  That the last time I saw him was at the local Borders bookstore.  That Joey had made choices in his life to go his own way so he wasn't as accessible as he was as a kid.  I told myself that one day, we'd meet up again, when things settled down for him, and pick up where we left off.  I believe that day will come for Joey and I beyond life here on earth, someday, down the road.

The reality is that we all make an impact on this life as we live it, some for a short time, some for a long time, and for most of us, somewhere in between.  In the last few months I have lost 'people pieces' of me that hurt every minute of everyday.  As sad as I am about that, the best thing I can do, is keep living my life,  and be true to the things they taught me while they were here.